Welcome to the Patchwork Blog! I hope you enjoy reading my random thoughts about life, Jesus and the freedom he offers.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Voices in my head

I hate confusion. I am hearing so many conflicting voices in my head. The swinging back and forth between different views is nausiating! I want just one voice in my head, telling me what is right, and what is wrong. How do I work out which voice is the truth - or is he desire to have one truth also a voice that has been lying to me over the years?

I've found the website http://www.new.exchristian.net/ to be helpful during my confusion over the last year. People on the forum were helpful and understanding of my position. Today I read this article Getting God’s Self-Appointed Messengers Out of Your Head ~ ExChristian.Net . It was really helpful. I feel like I have so many different voices in my head. I don't know which is me and which is someone else's voice. At the end of the article Dr Valerie Tarico says " You may have to listen hard at first because of all the clamor. But if you can learn to identify the other speakers, eventually you will be able to tune in to the voice that is not theirs, but yours. "  That gives me hope. If I give myself time I can work out which voice is which.

I think I am trying to get to Z on my journey before I have left A or B. I have a tendency to not like the journey. I want completion, I like to know I've got there. I want a definite 'This is what you do , this is when you do it, and this is when you have arrived'.  At the moment it feels like a maze that I am wandering around in, rather lost, constantly bumping into dead ends.  Another line in Dr Valerie's article is "Trust what you know about beauty and love, wonder, joy, curiosity, and kindness – because you do know, deeply, about each of these.". I still think I haven't grasped what I wrote about at the end of Sunday's post. Start from where I am, not from where I think I ought to be. I keep pushing myself to be somewhere else. I berate myself for not being sure about things.  I am going to try to do what Dr Valerie says. Start by trusting what I do know. If I can work out where I am  and what I do know, then knowing my next step will be easier.

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