Welcome to the Patchwork Blog! I hope you enjoy reading my random thoughts about life, Jesus and the freedom he offers.

Monday, 15 November 2010

Putting doubt in a corner*

*The title of this post is taken from Adrian Plass's writings. He wrote a book called 'Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation An A-Z of Christian Life'   (ISBN  9781850787235) . Adrian Plass is one of the most helpful Christian writers I have come accross. He is honest and funny. He talks about the Christian faith with honesty, with a 'warts and all' mentality, that I find very refreshing and helpful. This is a quote from the book named above.  'Doubt: more or less frequent visitor who should be allowed in when he knocks at the door and sat firmly down in a corner. As long as he is neither fed nor entertained he will usually get bored after a while and go away.'

I've realised over the last few days that I am listening mainly to one voice. I'm listening to the 'I don't think there is a God anymore' voice.  But the voice of God (if he exists) has been drowned out. I've spent hours reading through various ex-christian websites and blogs, but very little trying to listen to the voice of God. Maybe I haven't told many Christian friends about my doubts and crisis of faith because I don't want to be convinced of there being a God.  I've done what Adrian Plass says not to in the above quote. I have let doubt in and fed him, watered him  and entertained him for hours on end. If I really want to know what I believe about God I have to listen to all the voices in my head and not drown some out.  Only listening to one voice is like having an orchestra with one instrument drowning out the sound of all the others.  An orchestra sounds better when it is condcuted by someone who allows each instrument to sound at the appropriate time and for the appropriate amount of time.

If a part of me doesn't want to believe in God I think I want to know why. Why is it that one part of me is trying to drown out the voice of God (if he exists) and doesn't seem to want to believe in him, but there is still the other part which is longing  for there to be a God and to be with him again.  What is causing this tug of war inside me? 

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