Welcome to the Patchwork Blog! I hope you enjoy reading my random thoughts about life, Jesus and the freedom he offers.

Friday, 26 June 2015

Seeking the Giver not the GIft

Three years ago I found freedom from food addiction. A key part of finding that freedom was learning to allow my heavenly Father to fill the emotional emptiness I had previously tried to satisfy with food. I spent ages seeking my healing, rather than seeking the healer. My focus was in the wrong place. I was trying to sort out the symptoms (overeating, being overweight) not the root cause of the problem (an emotional & spiritual emptiness). 

The food addiction was not my only problem though. I was also struggling hugely with singleness. I didn't want to be single and it caused great pain. Huge waves of pain. I always thought I would get married and have a family. I never anticipated being single and childless into my 50's. I am now much more accepting of this. For a while I have been wondering what enabled me to move past my pain. This week I realised that my seeking the Healer not the healing, seeking the Giver not the gift, also helped me to deal with my broken dreams. 

I spent years trying come to terms with being single but in actual fact I now know that my main pain was not having children. The main problem was not the absence of a husband but the absence of a baby. I couldn't admit this to myself as it would be too painful to deal with, so I focussed on the lesser pain of singleness. 

After a lot of ladies problems I ended up having a hysterectomy. Finally, I had to come to terms with not having my own children. I had to let go of that dream as it was never going to happen now. It was about this time, in the months after my surgery that I was searching to God more. I was desperately yearning for Him above all else and I now know that it was this that helped me deal with my broken dreams. 

I spent ages asking God to give me the gift of marriage and children or to give me the gift of being content with singleness and childlessness. I was focussing on the wrong thing. I was looking at the problem not the One who could solve the problem. I was looking at the gift not the Giver. My search for God's love also helped me come to terms with my singleness and childlessness. 

I urge you to throw yourself into the arms of God. Seek Him above all else. I am now writing a regular newsletter to encourage people to seek the healer for help with their broken lives. I will share insights that helped me on my journey to freedom to help you on your own journey to freedom. If you would like to receive this newsletter please subscribe here