He Never Let Go is now on Amazon

"This is a lovely book, laced with emotion, full of challenge and above all a wonderful insight into the faithfulness of God." Mr & Mrs Jarvis


"This is a courageous telling of one woman's loss of faith - particularly courageous because she was an evangelist. . . This book got me thinking about aspects of my own beliefs that I've never questioned - and in my mind that has to be a good thing. Buy it, enjoy it and be challenged!" E. Ives


"Found this book helpful, informative & interesting - A true story all about a return journey back to God from a loss of faith in Him. Loved it!" Jean Henderson


"A moving account of a crisis of faith" Sandra Delemare

The above comments have been made by folks who have read my book and have been kind enough to leave a review on Amazon. I'm feeling somewhat excited about my book today. My book is now out on Amazon in paperback. I feel like a real (self) published author!! A real paperback book on Amazon!

I am really grateful to those who have helped me along the way and who have been a part of my being able to produce this book. I am also grateful to God for always being there and for never letting go!

I also hope that God will use the book to help others going through a similar thing. The pain of long term unwanted singleness/childlessness caused me to walk away from God. This book explores the pain of my unwanted singleness and describes my way back to God. God never let me go and I am so thankful. 

He Never Let Go is now out in paperback

He Never Let Go is finally out in paperback form. At the moment is it only out on Lulu.com, a self publishing company that I used to print the books.

I can't afford to go to a regular printer and have a lot of books printed at once. With Lulu I can print one at a time if necessary. At present it is not available to search through their site. To buy the book you will need to click the link on the right and you will be taken to the right part of the site.

The P& P is a bit steep this way. I hope to have the book on Amazon in a couple of months time, which should help folk to buy it should they wish to.

[Self] published author

I have finally finished my book He Never Let Go.  It is now out on Amazon's Kindle. I hope to have paperbacks out in the next few months too. Its been a long journey to get here but a very cathartic one. Writing my story down has helped a lot. I hope it can help others who are going through a bad time too. 

Here is the link to the Amazon page for the book, He Never Let Go. This link opens in another window and takes you to the Amazon website.  It feels like quite an achievement to say the least. 

Teaching for Christian singles

I've been thinking more about singleness and being Christian.  I've started to wonder if God is calling me to begin some kind of teaching for single people in my area. It is still very much in the 'this is an idea I am praying about' sort of stage. If it is God inspired then He will  lead me I am sure.  I want to follow where He leads not run ahead of him.

We quite rightly  have specialised teaching for those who are married with the Marriage Course, we have parenting courses, divorce recovery courses, help those those with addictions and many others.  But what teaching is there out there for single Christians?  I am not talking about setting up groups aimed at dating and finding a partner. There are plenty of websites for single Christians to join in the search for a partner (that is a whole other post in itself ). I am thinking more about teaching people, and providing opportunities for Bible based discussions on subjects to do with being single as a Christian.

What teaching would be needed? Maybe looking at the church's attitudes to singleness, how to deal with the pain of unwanted long term singleness, loneliness, the lack of companionship, sexual frustration , the absence of touch (not sexual but just general hugs etc), practical issues of holidays alone, where to spend Christmas, is it right to want marriage, how do you know if God is calling you to be single?

If you are a single Christian what subjects would you like to see covered? Do you think it is right that we have teaching for singles? Can you see a place for a course on coping with unwanted long term singleness? I would love to hear what you think.

Singleness and the Christian Life

   

  I've been thinking a lot recently about singleness and how it affects me as a single Christian. One of the things I have realised since starting to write my book about my crisis of faith is that not dealing with the pain of singleness is one of the main contributory factors in my losing faith.  The following are excerpts from the first draft of my book, He Never Let Go.

I have never imagined myself as a career girl. I never had a career plan. I wouldn’t be working for that many years. I thought I only needed a job until I met the right man. I always thought I would get married, have a home, have children, and be a stay-at-home mum. I never dreamt for a moment that I would be single and childless in my late forties, but that is where I have found myself. Like many little girls I dreamt of my wedding day. I dreamt of the white dress, the bridesmaids, the flowers, and the handsome groom. I dreamt of a home of my own to look after. I dreamt of children. It never occurred to me that it might not happen. It really didn’t ever occur to me until later that it might not happen . . .

Over the years, I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed for a husband. I prayed on my own. I prayed with others. I fasted and prayed. I believed that God had spoken to me through Pat but also in other ways too. I kept waiting for God to fulfil what I thought was His promise to me. I waited for a husband. I waited but the only weddings I went to were those of other people. At first, it was fun to see my friends married. I thought, ‘One day I’ll have a wedding’. However, as time went on, and more friends got married and I didn’t, it got harder and harder to go and keep a smile on my face. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for them. I was delighted. I just wanted it for myself too. I tried to keep my pain to myself. I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s special day. . . 

I can see now that I should have dealt with my disappointments sooner. I buried a lot of my pain. I let out some of it but I didn’t really allow people to see how badly I was hurting. A part of me thought that if people knew how badly I wanted to get married, and have a home and children, they would laugh at me. I thought they would think ‘How could she think that anyone would want her?’ A lack of confidence led me to believe that I wasn’t good enough to be married. This shame prevented me from seeking help to deal with my anguish. I think I simply needed to cry it out on someone’s shoulder, to sob it out, but so often, I pushed it down. 

      Why was I never able to be totally honest about my pain. I think one reason is that I kept thinking God must be everything to me. If I still want to get married then I am not a good Christian. I hadn't taken on board the truth of what God says in Genesis 2:18 'Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him'. But it is clear here that it is the norm that people need other people. It is not good to be alone. That is why God says later on through the Psalmist  in Psalm 68:6 'God places lonely people in families.' He knows it is not good to be alone.

      So why am I still punishing myself for not being able to cope with just me and God? I know the answer may not be marriage for me but I need to  look for the families that God wants to place me in to give me what I need as a human being. 

Are we giving single Christians false expectations? Where did I get the idea that I had to be self-sufficient with just God? People sometimes quote the verse in Isaiah 54 about God being a husband to us - implying that should be enough for us. But that verse was written to the whole nation of Israel - it wasn't written for just single people. Yes, God wants to be a like a husband to us, but he wants to be like that for everyone - including those who are happily married, unhappily married or too young to be married yet. 

I don't know what the answers are for me or for other singles but I would love to get discussions going about the whole issue. 

Is doubt an important part of faith?

Since going through a time of almost atheism I have found that my attitude to doubt has changed. It now seems more important to acknowledge it in my life. Doubt now makes my faith more real, more like faith. Before this crisis of faith I tried to make myself believe wholeheartedly by pretending doubt wasn't there. It didn't help. I almost walked away from God completely despite my best efforts at being full of faith.

I think what I called faith before was blind acceptance not faith. Maybe I am being hard on myself because I know there were times when my faith was real and based on faith not blind acceptance. Blind acceptance is the overall impression I am left with when I look back on some of those years. I read  recently that the oppostie of faith is not doubt - it is certainty. Now I have been through my own time of  severe doubt I know what it means to say that - certainty is the opposite of what I feel now when I talk about faith. Prior to my crisis of faith I would have describe my faith as certainty. back then  I was trying to be a good Christian. I was trying to be what I thought I should be. Now I want to be what I am. And I want to be what I am with God beside me being what He is.

The following is an excerpt from my book He Never Let Go

In February 2011, I heard a lovely, wise Catholic Priest talk about how the light can be more appreciated when you know the darkness. I think I am beginning to realise that for myself. I have now experienced the darkness of a time of believing there is no God. I know what it is to have just a deep, dark, empty, void where my faith used to be. I know what it is to have no anchor for my life. Having this experience means that the faith I have now seems even more precious to me. The light of faith is so much brighter than it was before. It’s only a small beginning but I am beginning to see the value of questions and doubt. I know I will go on learning more.

What about you? How does doubt affect you?

He Never Let Go

Writing this blog has proved very helpful. It has helped me give voice to the vague rumblings of thought bubbling away in my subconscious. Comments have proved even more helpful in prompting me to think things through even more.

Writing my book was like that only more so. I decided to write about my experiences of loosing my faith while still working as a parish evangelist in London. I am so grateful that my faith returned after leaving ministry. Writing about it has cemented everything that happened in my mind.

My book is now with a few kind family and friends who are reading it for me. I have had some good feed back for it.

This morning my step-mum left this on my Facebook wall "Dear Lynda, look at the time! 23.36! I am so enjoying your book I don't want to put it down and I'm forgetting that my task is to proof read it. I'll have to read it right through once, then start again to make the corrections you want. It's very readable - well done indeed!"

Yesterday Tim Ross wrote this "I’ve just finished reading the first two chapters, and already I want to know what’s going to happen. Because of the title of the book and the introduction, the reader (me) is wondering how it can possibly all go wrong, which lends a great sense of anticipation. You’ve got a nice, clear style with uncomplicated language, which I like, as it makes the book all the more readable." Tim also wrote helpful a few very helpful editorial points which is fantastic. Exactly the kind of feed back I needed!

I started playing around with covers for my book. I had all sorts of images in my mind. Many examples of what I played around with are on my Facebook page, He Never Let Go, http://www.facebook.com/LyndaJAlsford 

 
But then one of my fb friends posted something on my wall. I had previously added various photos of my sample covers asking for comments. Graham O'Leary very kindly played around with ideas himself. He came up with the cover you see on this post. He said "I took the liberty of bold and Minimal! What you think?" What do I think? I think its fantastic. I love the bold and I love the minimal. I really love it. It is eye catching. It will jump of the shelves metaphorically speaking and hopefully literally as well! It speaks of where I am now, rather than where I was during my crisis. I am very grateful to him. It is the cover I think I shall use.

God has been so involved in every step of the way. He gave me the idea. He sent the lovely Kathie Kearny to say to me directly" I think you need to write a book about it".  He has helped me to write the book. He has sent lovely people at every step of the way to encourage me. The whole project is in his hands. It is up to him how and when it is published. I am pushing various publishing doors and have no doubt that if the Lord wants it published then it will be published!  I love you Jesus.