I was not supposed to be here today. At least not here in my flat and certainly not writing a blog post. I was supposed to be in hospital, having a total knee replacement.
I was all ready. I had had the necessary blood test and I had begun to drink the unpleasant pre-op drinks. I woke up on Monday ready to fast and go to hospital. Then at 8.10a.m. came the call from the surgeon's secretary. He was unwell and off sick, so my operation was cancelled. I was devastated because I have been in increasing amounts of pain.
I couldn't wait to get a new knee and to be able to walk again for more than 20 minutes at the most. I have been gradually, and slowly losing weight and I wanted this to continue. The weight loss has come to a standstill virtually without being able to do exercise.
My first reaction to this bad news, having put the phone down, was to burst into tears. I then I called friends and family, talking through what I felt. I rang work to say I would now not be off sick but coming in as usual.
Then I got into the shower and while there I began to pray to my Father God in Heaven. I poured out my heart to Him. I told Him how I felt and asked Him to help me.
By the time I got to work I was calmer and by the end of the day I was fine again. I had another date for my operation and had worked through all the upset.
So why am I telling you this? It is because it took me until Tuesday to realise that I had not once thought about bingeing as a way to deal with those pesky upsetting emotions. I had worked through them all in a normal way without even a temptation to overeat. Four years ago my reaction would have been to binge before calling anyone, before praying and before being able to think through what I should do next. Food was my refuge.
I am once more so grateful to my Father in Heaven for setting me free from food addiction. I praise His name. He is indeed my refuge.
If He can set me free He can set anyone free. Trust Him, get to know Him and pour out your heart to Him. He is a much better way of dealing with difficult feelings than bingeing. I know for certain this is true.
He is our refuge.