Writing a book

Those of you who are not on my Facebook list may not know that I have decided to write a book about my experiences of going through this time of doubt and coming out the otherside of it. I have already started it, but not got that far with it! I think it will be a very cathartic experience writing it even if it doesn't end up published, although I hope it will be. I am also starting to read round other books about the same subject. If you know of any books you could recommend please let me know. I will read St John of the Cross's 'Dark night of the soul', Mother Teresa's 'Come be my Light' and 'Losing faith' by Andy Frost, to start with.  Seems a bit daunting but also exciting as I am sure it is God who is leading me to write it.

Learning to live in the love of God

Since my dream of Jesus' love I have continued to feel closer to God. The challenge now is to learn to live in His love, to stay close to Him each day. I think that is what God is wanting me to learn now. So often I have things in my strength.  Now I  need to learn to do things in His strength.

I find I am enjoying worship in a way I haven't for ages and ages. I really feel close to God when I am singing his praises. It really helps. I have started playing worship songs at home again and find it really lifts my mood.  I lie on my bed in the morning and evening and listen to worship music, and feel myself back in the presence of God again. But even with all this it is still so easy to forget Him  and to allow negative thoughts to take over. I found myself feeling anxious today about the purchase of a flat, wondering if I have done the right thing. Will I find a tenant? It is so easy to dwell on those thoughts rather than talking to Jesus and letting him help me.

I am reminded of the hymn " What a friend we have in Jesus", written by Joseph Scriven. He suffered the pain of his fiancee dying the day before their wedding, and then when he later became engaged to another lady she too died before their wedding took place. Still was able to write these words. Amazing. I look forward to meeting him in heaven!

1. What a friend we have in Jesus, 
 all our sins and griefs to bear! 
 What a privilege to carry 
 everything to God in prayer! 
 O what peace we often forfeit,
 O what needless pain we bear, 
 all because we do not carry 
 everything to God in prayer. 

2. Have we trials and temptations? 
 Is there trouble anywhere? 
 We should never be discouraged; 
 take it to the Lord in prayer. 
 Can we find a friend so faithful 
 who will all our sorrows share? 
 Jesus knows our every weakness; 
 take it to the Lord in prayer. 

3. Are we weak and heavy laden, 
 cumbered with a load of care? 
 Precious Savior, still our refuge; 
 take it to the Lord in prayer. 
 Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? 
 Take it to the Lord in prayer! 
 In his arms he'll take and shield thee; 
 thou wilt find a solace there.

Why do we struggle on trying to cope on our own when we could have the God of the universe helping us? In my experience God doesn't stop us feeling these things but will help us to go through them. Lord help me to look to you for strength.

The power of dreams

I had an amazing experience recently. I knew I needed receive the love of Jesus into my life more.  I hadn't really let go and allowed myself to receive His love. I kept pushing Him away and over eating to fill up the emptiness.  However at the same time I was asking the Lord to help me to open up more to Him.



©Charlie Mackesy      www.charliemackesy.com
The Prodigal Daughter by Charlie Mackesy



God answered my prayer in a very unexpected way. I had a dream a week or so ago. I dreamt I was leaving to go on a journey somewhere with friends, who weren't people I know, although I knew them in the dream. We were running around getting ready for the journey. Just as we were about to leave I noticed that Jesus stood in the corner with a look of such love on his face I felt overwhelmed. He had been standing there the whole time and my friends and I had been running around ignoring Him.  I just knew then, in my dream, that I couldn't leave. I rushed over to Jesus and as a child with her father I just climbed into his lap and had a hug. I awoke  still feeling this love, and it has stayed with me. I feel like I have been 'born again' again! As the picture shows I have been taken up into Jesus' arms despite having rejected Him and gone my own way. And still He loves me unconditionally. He loves you the same way, whoever you are, whatever you have done.