When the rubber hits the road

I have been challenged over recent months to change the way I think, especially in the area of gratitude and what I think about myself. It is so easy to say 'Trust the Lord' or 'look at God not your situation'. I often listen to the song 'Turn your eyes upon Jesus'. I particularly enjoy the Hillsongs version. But I am going to be honest with you. I am not turning my eyes upon Jesus. Not really. Not most of the time. What I am actually doing is looking at my situation and outwardly saying I trust God. I often say I am going to trust God but I am not trusting Him. I say He is the centre of my life but then fill it with other things instead. I say I am grateful for all He does for me and then never thank Him. 

I worry a lot. I have been especially anxious over recent months. There is always too much month left at the end of the money and bills seem overwhelming. But when I look back at what God has done for me before I find no basis for my worry. Jesus has never let me go without the things I need. During a time of unemployment, when I didn't have the money for my mortgage, I got a letter from my bank saying 'We mis-sold you PPI. Please fill in this form and we will repay you'. The amount I got was enough for the mortgage. I hadn't even considered applying for this as I didn't think I qualified for it. At the beginning of this year I was off sick for two and a half months following a knee replacement. Given I don't get full sick pay, and I am not eligible for mortgage relief from the government for 3 months of each claim, it was a worrying time. However, shortly after seeing my surgeon, I got a letter from the working tax credit department. They were back dating my claim and the payment was enough for 3 mortgage payments. I could go on but you will be relieved to know I will not. 

So why do I not remember these things in a time of need? Yet again, I focus on the situation and start worrying. I allow anxious thoughts to go round and round my mind. I have read the Word of God so why do I not believe it? I mean really believe it. I say the words. I mentally assent to the truth but when the rubber hits the road...I worry instead of believing. I believe the first worrying thought that pops into my mind. 

And it is not just in the area of provision. I say that as a Christian I should love everyone but then I come up against someone I find difficult to get along with for one reason or another. I find myself hating this person not loving them. I may not say this out loud but I am thinking it. This happened recently to me. I was feeling very angry and hateful towards someone with whom I am in regular contact. At first I wallowed in my negativity. I felt justified in it. This person was causing pain and upset to someone I really like and respect. But my attitude was not Christ-like. This is where the rubber hits the road as far as being a Christian goes. I speak of a God of love but can I love the unlovely as He does? I decided I needed to change my attitude. While still acknowledging that the person was in fact in the wrong in one area that was causing pain  to others, I also realised that I needed to get along with them and see them as Jesus does.

I started by giving thanks for this person. It was really hard to do. It took every once of will power to say it to God. 'Lord I thank you for X'. I asked God to help me and then just did it- as an act of my will. The more I gave thanks for this person the more I found my attitude changing.  Day by day I worked on this until I could pray for them with love. I am now able to get along with this person much more easily. I can pray that God will bring this person into His Kingdom and I mean it. But it was hard work. It was spiritual warfare. 

Paul in Philippians 2:12 says the following . 

'Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear' (NLT)

It is really hard work to change the way we think. In my experience it takes a combination of will power and the Holy Spirit.  If I tell myself 'I can't help it', 'I can't change' then I will never change. If I tell myself 'I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength' (Philippians 4:13) and repeat the truth of it to myself again and again my heart will gradually change. If I thank God for the person I find so difficult He will change me by the power of the Holy Spirit. For me it goes to the heart of my faith. If the blood of Jesus is as powerful as I believe it is then I can work with God to change my thoughts.

The Christian life is not easy. Believing God above your circumstances is not easy (no prizes for spotting the massive understatement!). But boy is it rewarding. I feel so much more peace now I have learned to love this difficult person with the love that God has given me. The hate was so much more tiring. I am now working on my anxiety and worry. And I know I will be successful. For I know in whom I have believed. He died to set me free. This is real spiritual warfare. Allowing God to change our hearts.

What one thought can you ask God to help you begin to change?

Blessings to you all.

Worshipping Father in spirit and truth

It may be a daft question but do you give God your problems? I meant do you really give them to Him? 

Or do you do what I often do...struggle with my problem alone, try to work out the solution and then ask God to do that thing for me. All the while feeling stressed and under pressure to do the right thing. 

I realised a while back that this is what I have a tendency to do. I don't always really give God my problems. I keep them all myself and then try to work it all out alone. If I can't work out the solution I sink into a depressed or stressed state that it takes a while to get away from again. 

Just recently, having realised this was what I was doing, I tried to consciously give God my problems. At first though, I thought, how do I do this? How do I actually give God my problems? I know He wants them but how to do I give them to Him?

Then I made a decision to start to pray as soon as I got home from work. I started going to my room, closing the door, putting on praise music and just pouring out my heart to Him about all that was worrying me. I asked Him to show me the way round my problem. I verbally dumped it all on Him, warts and all. Every thought, as it really first appeared in my mind, is what I poured out to God. 

The amazing thing was that when I did that God started to change me. He kept the troubled feelings and gave me His peace instead. I realised it was because I was truly coming to Him, as I was. I was coming to Him in truth. 

"But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way." John 4:23

In the above Scripture Jesus says Father God wants those who will worship Him in Spirit and truth. He wants us to be real, to be who we really are. It is the only way He can change us. Try it and see. 

So, ask yourself, am I being real with God. Am I bringing my real self to Him? I can trust Him with my real self. He is more loving, more compassionate and more merciful that we can ever know. Pour out your heart to Him. You can trust Him. He is indeed your refuge. 

Remember what God has done for you

I was interviewed by Carol Graham of Never Ever Give Up Hope a few months ago. She was asking me about how Jesus never let me go despite a major crisis of faith, how He set me free from food addiction in the process. The interview went live this week. And Carol sent me the link. I listened to my interview for the first time and it almost brought me to tears. I speak about what happened to me but I don't sit and listen to myself say it. 

It was amazing to go back and hear what God has done for me. I was swept up again into the emotions of the time and was reminded of what God said and what it felt like to be there. 

Various Bible characters at times would leave an altar or a memorial of sorts in places where they had met God. It reminded them of what God had done for them. 

"But then I recall all you have done, O LORD; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago." Psalm 77:11

It is sometimes good to go back over what God has done and remember his power, his love and mercy. 

What has God done for you that you have forgotten?  Remember the deeds of the Lord that you have now forgotten. Encourage yourself in the Lord. 

If you want to hear what encouraged me so the other day then here is the link to the interview on iTunes. 

Remember what God has done. Count your blessings both past and present! 

Discovering our Father's Heart

This post first appeared as my regular contribution to the More than Writers blog of the Association of Christian Writers on Sunday 16th August 2015

One thing I have learned over the last few years, above all else, has transformed my life. It was one of the final things on my journey to freedom from food addiction and it helped me deal with the pain of unwanted long term singleness. This life changing teaching is discovering the Father Heart of God. For most of my Christian life I have identified closely with Jesus. He is my Saviour, my Friend, and my Lord. He died to save me and I am eternally grateful. However, I used to spend more time thanking Jesus for forgiving my sin than enjoying the outcome of my salvation. What do I mean by that? Is there is a difference you may ask?

When I was training with Church Army, one assignment I had was to read the whole gospel of Mark in one sitting. It was an amazing experience, which took about two hours or so. I read about a man, Jesus, who had two main passions in his life: his love for people and his love for his Father in Heaven. His greatest desire was to bring the two together. He wanted them to know each other and love each other.

I knew Jesus but I didn't really know the love of the Father. I started reading around the subject of God’s Father Heart. With each book I read the Holy Spirit spoke clearer to me that what I really needed was the love of Father God. The final book I read in this part of my search was ‘I am your Father’ by Mark Stibbe. It really spoke powerfully to me. In it Stibbe talks about some of us having an orphan heart. As I read his description of an orphan heart I knew this was the state of my own heart. This was the emptiness I had been trying to fill with food. I started to pray that God would reveal his Father love to me. It was a prayer that my Papa God answered quickly.

One thing that really helped me to discover the Father Heart of God was listening to ‘The Father’s Love Letter’. This is a letter written by Barry Adams based on truth from Scripture. Each line in this letter is taken from the Bible. I found it profoundly moving. I still do. You can read it or watch it here. It can be downloaded for free as a document, a video or audio file. A few years ago I played it frequently, sometimes on a loop for 30 minutes or more. On different days different phrases would touch me and reduce me to tears, but the truth of it began to sink into my heart.

Jesus died to bring us to the Father, so we could experience his Father’s love for us.  The ltter ends with these words “I have always been Father, and will always be Father. My question is…Will you be my child?” He is already our Father but will we be His child?

Wrestling with God

A version of this post first appeared in my regular slot on the blog for the Association of Christian Writers, More than Writers on 16th July 2015

My post this month is inspired by having read a post on Crosswalk.com, How Wrestling with God will change you forever by Dena Johnson,. In it Dena talks about Jacob wrestling with God. She pointed out something I hadn’t noticed before (I love it when that happens don’t you?). She showed us how Jacob changed how he referred to God after his divine wrestling match.  Before his encounter with God we read this,

 “Then Jacob prayed, O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,' (Gen 32:9). 

After his encounter with God Jacob is given the name Israel and we read that, 

 “There he erected an altar and called it El-Elohe-Israel [God, the God of Israel].” Gen 33:20 .

Before his wrestling encounter Jacob describes God as the God of his father and grandfather, but afterwards he speaks of more personally by referring to the God of Israel. Wrestling with God actually brought Jacob closer to Him.  

And boy oh boy can I identify with that. Over the last 6 years I’ve struggled with God, as I went through all kinds of pain, doubt and loss. At the time I was going through it I didn’t imagine it would have the blessed outcome that it did. I felt like a failure.  I was an evangelist with no faith, a food addict and my dreams were in pieces around my feet. Like Jacob I was alone, and like Jacob I fought with God for a blessing. But like Jacob I came out of my experiences with a far strong relationship with God.

While writing my book, He Never Let Go, about my experiences I realised that prior to this a lot of my faith was actually faith in the Church with God supporting this. Now my faith is in God with the Church supporting. I didn’t realise how much I was piggy-backing on other people’s faith until I found myself wrestling with God alone.

But I am so glad God trusted me with that experience. It has ultimately brought me much blessing. I have been freed from food addiction and am gradually getting back to some kind of ministry with my writing. Knowing that what I write helps others is a huge blessing.

Sign up for Seeking the Healer
 at www.lyndaalsford.com

I recently started writing a regular email newsletter, Seeking the Healer, for those seeking freedom from addictive behaviours especially food addiction/compulsive overeating/binge eating disorder (see previous editions here). In it I share some of the things that I have learned on my journey to freedom that will encourage you on your own journey to freedom. I've already been blessed by receiving emails from readers who have been helped and are engaging more with God in their search for freedom - the ultimate blessing for me. If you would like to receive the newsletter please sign up here, or go to www.lyndaalsford.com where there is a sign up link on the home page.

If you are wrestling with God, please don’t give up. The blessing you receive is so worth sticking with your divine wrestling match. Stick with God, He will never let go of you. He loves you.

Don't give up

There are two video clips in today’s post. Do watch them as they are both so encouraging. They show different aspects about being in a race. 1 Corinthians 9:24ff and Hebrews 12:1-3 both show different aspects of running in a race, and they liken it to our journey of faith.  Read the Bible verses and watch the video. They speak for themselves really. Let God speak to you.

Hebrews 12 ^1-3 Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! The Message (MSG)

I always imaged these verses were describing a negative crowd of people, telling me how badly I was doing and to pull my socks up and do better next time. But today at our Church the preacher was describing how they are like this crowd cheering on Matt in his race. They are encouraging us. We need each other to cheer us on our way.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27
^"Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! ²⁵ All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. ²⁶ So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. ²⁷ I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified." New Living Translation (NLT)

In this video if Heather had given up when she fell she would not have won her race. It is tempting to be really hard on ourselves when we fall and to tell ourselves that there is no point in carrying on – I might as well give up (or am I the only one who thinks this…I suspect not). But in reality the truth is that we all fall. But it is how we react to our fall that makes the difference. We can lay there and feel sorry for ourselves, or we can get back up and keep running the race, like Heather did despite falling over, and like Matt did despite his physical limitations.

Maybe those of us who can be naturally stubborn like me can have an advantage in this. My stubbornness means I will sometimes refuse to let go of something. Seeking healing from food addiction is one such time. I was determined that I would find a way to experience the freedom of Christ in this area of my life. I didn’t stop running that race until I found what I was searching for. There were times when I fell over but I got back up again. At times I didn’t have people cheering me on around me but I sought out as much help as I could. And I made it to the end of that part of the race. I have been free for 3 years now.  If Jesus freed me He will free you too. Just keep on keeping on in your race. 

I am now writing a regular newsletter to encourage people to Seek the Healer for help with their broken lives. I will share insights that helped me on my journey to freedom to help you on your own journey to freedom. If you would like to receive this newsletter please subscribe here. 

Also there are two possibilities of meeting up in erpson. Firstly,  in an informal way, probably in London this autumn, with a group of others who want to share with each other. This will be mostly women with overeating problems but no-one will be excluded. Secondly, there is the possiblity that I will be leading a Seeking the Healer retreat in Sussex during 2016. 

Please contact me (leave a comment below) if either of these is something you wish to explore. Dates not yet confirmed but I hope to have the confirmed in the next few weeks or so. 

Seeking the Giver not the GIft

Three years ago I found freedom from food addiction. A key part of finding that freedom was learning to allow my heavenly Father to fill the emotional emptiness I had previously tried to satisfy with food. I spent ages seeking my healing, rather than seeking the healer. My focus was in the wrong place. I was trying to sort out the symptoms (overeating, being overweight) not the root cause of the problem (an emotional & spiritual emptiness). 

The food addiction was not my only problem though. I was also struggling hugely with singleness. I didn't want to be single and it caused great pain. Huge waves of pain. I always thought I would get married and have a family. I never anticipated being single and childless into my 50's. I am now much more accepting of this. For a while I have been wondering what enabled me to move past my pain. This week I realised that my seeking the Healer not the healing, seeking the Giver not the gift, also helped me to deal with my broken dreams. 

I spent years trying come to terms with being single but in actual fact I now know that my main pain was not having children. The main problem was not the absence of a husband but the absence of a baby. I couldn't admit this to myself as it would be too painful to deal with, so I focussed on the lesser pain of singleness. 

After a lot of ladies problems I ended up having a hysterectomy. Finally, I had to come to terms with not having my own children. I had to let go of that dream as it was never going to happen now. It was about this time, in the months after my surgery that I was searching to God more. I was desperately yearning for Him above all else and I now know that it was this that helped me deal with my broken dreams. 

I spent ages asking God to give me the gift of marriage and children or to give me the gift of being content with singleness and childlessness. I was focussing on the wrong thing. I was looking at the problem not the One who could solve the problem. I was looking at the gift not the Giver. My search for God's love also helped me come to terms with my singleness and childlessness. 

I urge you to throw yourself into the arms of God. Seek Him above all else. I am now writing a regular newsletter to encourage people to seek the healer for help with their broken lives. I will share insights that helped me on my journey to freedom to help you on your own journey to freedom. If you would like to receive this newsletter please subscribe here.